The Analects of Roshi Bob

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Analect 9: Knowing God ...or Not

"A lot of people walk around saying they know God, or they know what God wants. But think about it. The only one with a head big enough to know what God wants would have to be guessed it, God.

"With the small heads we humans stumble around in ...well, you just couldn't cram what God wants in there. This is self-evident if you've read any history or kept up on current events.

"Any politician certain he has a close relationship with the Lord should be suspected of being a demagogue, or under the influence of the Texas of Evil. There have been those.

"Only God knows for sure what God wants. The rest of us are just hoping, guessing, delusional, or whistling past the graveyard.

"The Son of Sam was delusional. But he wasn't a governmental figurehead."


If you need a hint on this one you're probably too far gone for analects.

Analect 8: Dust to Dust

"God, who like nature abhors a vacuum, one day slid Her hands under her footstool, scooped the dust bunnies of the earth into her mitts and formed a likeness of Herself. She breathed life into it and it became full of vim and vigor and was cool and inexplicacble, but completely predictable. "


This dust-to-dust thing is just a metaphor. This is a poet using poetic license. There's a lot of that in the bible ...and in the language in general for that matter. Whatever your metaphor, there's more than enough going on around us to work on and work out.

Poetic Reference:

"Where do you come from? Where do you go?Sorry that's nothin' you would need to know."--Bob Dylan, Love & Theft, Summer days

Analect 7: God = All & Nothing

"God is all. God is nothing.

For hopeless conceptualists such as ourselves this is hard to believe, but that's the way it was in that golden age before language and theology.

Of the 'nothingness' of God, nothing of course can be said. So nothing meaningful has ever been said about it, though many have tried (John Cage and Lao Tze in particular).

The mind, it seems, compelled to negotiate chaos on stepping stones of nouns, verbs, and other symbols, has not been geared to articulate this void. So, cavorting in the mundane we choose to avoid it (no pun intended), or, out of desperate need to chase our tail, invent religions. This amounts to the same thing."


Which just about says it all ...or nothing.

Analect 6: Hookers

"A lobbiest is someone who hangs around lobbies trying to drum up business. "

"Some lobbiests hang around the lobbies of cheap hotels in crummy districts, pimping. Some hang around the lobbies of more upscale districts, like the District of Columbia doing the same thing. They're high-stakes specialists and very savvy about the hot johns in those precincts who troll for lobbiests. It's a fishing expedition that works out pretty well for both the hooker and the hookee."


Even though this is nominally a democracy, there are people who actually make their living buying the inallienable rights of others. This is hard to believe I know, but these people and politicians are in cahoots ...with large and frequent campaign contributions things just become more possible. Said the sage: Ibn Ali McCarthy (a boyhood friend of Roshi Bob), "There are many nuanced ways to buy votes. You really don't have to be so obvious as to set up pay stations at ballot boxes."Lobbiests understand those subtleties well. In fact, they're top experts in the fields of sub-rosa vote leases and symbiotic relationships.

Analect 5: The Use and Benefit of Absence

"If you're not getting your way by staying, you might as well not get your way by leaving."


Some people believe that abruptly getting up and leaving in the middle of a losing argument is an effective way of making their point. Their departure is often accompanied by curses and oaths. What they want to convey is contempt for the proceedings, but the only thing actually conveyed is themselves out of the room, which is a great benefit and relief to everyone left behind. If you want to make a point by leaving, just cut to the chase and don't show up at all. It's a much more efficient way to lose a debate.

Analect 4: Cabbage Heads

"Any head raised on a steady diet of TV would not stand out in a room full of cabbages."


In modern times, a person's perception of what's happening in the world is colored by many things, but the main one is TV. If any nation's grasp of reality hinges upon TV news coverage spouted by pretty heads in great clothes, or the bouncing attributes of babes in thongs, it can say goodbye to its future.

Note: Whenever Roshi Bob meets a cabbage-head raised on TV you'll hear him mutter,"Go Lumpky". More often than not the person referred to thinks this is an esoteric Polish incantation.

Analect 3: Imagination

"Ah, imagination. The free realm. "This is where we go when we dump dogma.

"They say truth is the mother of imagination. They don't say who imagination's father is, but he must be one ugly dude, given the way imagination looks nowadays.


Imagination in the right hands will produce a Pieta. Imagination managed by somebody like Darth Vader turns out Hiltlers and Holocausts.Keep your eyes peeled for the Darth Vaders: those heavy breathers blowing poison vapors.

May the Force be with us, at the very least.

Analect 2: Intelligence

"Intelligence is a strange phenomena. Some who have it are brilliant, while others are as dumb as stumps. In fact, the fruits of intellect are as varied as the whims of man and should not be counted on to bring bliss.

"Brilliant idiots invented the atomic bomb, and brilliant idiots are responsible for TV.

"Remember it's usually not Mensa rejects who invent spectacularly diabolical things. It's geniuses gripped by an ignorant and arrogant inertia."


Enough said.

Analect 1: Being Clueless

"Being a guru, people often ask me, 'What's it all about, Roshi?' and I'm nonplussed. I'm thinking, how am I supposed to know what it's all about for them if they don't even have a clue themselves? Am I them?

'No,' I answer myself, and go on about my business hoping they'll eventually get to theirs."


Everybody's looking for answers from somebody else. This is the wrong tack. If God wanted everybody to get their answers from somebody else, God would not have needed to invent so many people. One person, like one giant media conglomerate, would have been enough.We can infer from the fact that there are so many people, that God sought to encourage diversity of thought.Then along came the first dogmatician with his calipers and sacred book.